Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
