He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
