I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
