WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
