I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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