Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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