I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
