I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you would pick up someone in the library
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
