Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
