I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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