it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
