You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
