I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
