we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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