Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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