You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize