The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
