You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
zippers are such a cool invention
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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