And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize