I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
