So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
