I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i drank out of a bidet.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
