If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
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