I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I believe in your delicious
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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