i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
