The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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