I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
