tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
