i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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