Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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