What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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