that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
pop tarts are not kleenex
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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