WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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