super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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