Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize