My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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