Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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