If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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