Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize