i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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