their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
