i don't like sucking hair
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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