I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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