The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
