wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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