I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
