You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
