there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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