In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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