Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my being single is dangerous.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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