is your mom at the bar?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
