Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I need moral support for this bender
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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