i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize