I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
