Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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