thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
