Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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