so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
