zippers are such a cool invention
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
