the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
