so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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