Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
