So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
